Merry Christmas

 Been long blogger.

 Merry Christmas 

TUESDAY sorry FRIDAY

 🙄🥴🙄

I haven’t been feeling so good ( physically and emotionally). Purposely didn’t post few days ago because I didn’t feel like it. Or because I was not having a good week. It was just 🤮. Nothing interesting to write about really.  Let’s see.......... oh, roommate came back, at least I had a gist partner. Didn’t have  much to say though, but the company wasn’t bad. 

My boy is becoming more and more aggressive. He literally will do that which you told him not to do, and wait for what you will do. He will be like......,,, you can’t do anything more than you’ve already done nah, bring it on!!!! He doesn’t get scared anymore when I get a cane or something to spank him with. Not easy when he doesn’t have anyone to play with. I have to be playmate....playmaker.......plaything all at the same time. Very tiring. Am happy I have him with me though. Wouldn’t have known what I will do without him around as am still without a job.

I am thinking some are created with ear just for decoration, because am staying with one.

Am hoping my days will be fun always, so I’ll have things to put down. Thank God am broke( for now sha) I would have gotten fat staying at a place and losing my mind. 

Hi BLOGGER

😍😍😍😍

Had problem opening my page, reasons why I didn’t post anything on Friday, but we all good now. 

Missed me??

Been a really really good week for me. From sleeping happy to waking up happy. I hope it continues so. I wake up not feeling like a stone is resting on my chest, and that makes me a very happy woman. I sleep thinking of tomorrow in a very positive way than I used to( initially I go to bed thinking if everything will be alright, now I sleep knowing that they would be) 

So I was bored yesterday, I started going through my old posts on facebook and found a post I made almost a year ago.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/ela-nneka/life/10157243293405549/

This made me realize my mind got tired way long before my body made a decision. Somehow somewhere in my mind, I nee this wasn’t going to work out. 

Moving on, all I need now is job oooo.

HI BLOGGER

🥴🥴🥴

Very stressful week. So I am taking a time off writing. Just had to put something down so you know that I take this seriously. 

Highlight!!! I got my luggages🤩🤩

Feels like getting closure. Do not want to go into details how I got them, maybe next time. 

SATURDAY AGAIN

🤪🤪🤪🤪

I know I know!!!! 

I really am a serious person, and this really means much to me. So my excuses for flaunting my days here definitely won’t be flimsy. But let’s leave it at that. 

 

The big brother experiment has started, and unfortunately I just have to see the highlights as I do not have a means to watch it live, but still I keep up. 

Seems the show comes up when there are mighty political issues in the country and the experiment is used to keep our minds off what is really on ground.

I like a few housemates this year unlike previous years, I stick with just one, and move to another when the previous is evicted. This year is quite different. I realize i like at least 4(many I guess) 

Dora is a cool chic, initially I thought she came in with a BOOBS game but no, she is quiet fun and entertaining from the Look of things.

Erica is cool too. The kinda girl I’ll befriend easily because she is totally the opposite side of me, cool headed, laid back, calm, smooth........ just the opposite me.

Kiddwayya,  cool too. 

Ozo.....this is the kinda housemate that I see nothing he does as wrong, be it wrong or right. He is a whole package. Kind of dude I’ll...... let’s just leave it at that.

 

Personally, i think this social experience is not for the housemates but the viewers. Because the rate at which we go out for each one we like to the extent of maybe hating one who do not like who we like is toxic. I’ve seen it in past years. 

That aside, a discussion that they made really helped me to know what i really needed. 

When the show started, Ozo specifically stated that his ‘SPEC’ ( short for specification: a word used to describe the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with) is Nengi. But along the line, he finds himself vibing more to Dora. He wants to keep Dora as a friend and always won’t hide the fact that Nengi is his spec. So yesterday, Dora has had enough. She requested they just be housemates. Then talking to the other guys ozo specifically said In his conversation with Eric later, he made it clear that if he had to pick between a relationship in the House and his friendship with Dorathy, he'd pick the latter.

That made me think, I have friendships I won’t trade for any relationship, really good friends. Friends that know you well, friends that know what you are capable of doing, friends that can vouch for you and give everything to see you through. Some days ago I had a chat with a friend and I told him my situation. How I was labeled names. He laughed and said “ I sha know your not going to hurt me” and I was speechless. Know this, he didn’t say that not accepting that I was what I was called NO, he said it in a way that even if I was what I was called, he knows I won’t harm him. 

And I realized that some friendships are much more important than some relationships. 

My EX husband told anyone who cared to listen that the reason he always locks the door to his room was because he was scared of what I was going to do to him. A man I was with for 5 whole years. 

But a friend knew that I sha wasn’t going to harm him. 

Till next time abeg!! 

SATURDAY !! I KNOW

🥶🥶🤮🤮

Hi blogger, it’s been a really rough week for me. I haven’t been feeling too well, I slept much more than I would want to and was asleep more than I was awake. Maybe it’s the change in the weather or change in my body composition. Whichever  one it is, I hope i get over and above it soon.

Aside not feeling myself, it’s been the same play out with the previous week. Nothing interesting happened, still have the apartment to myself, and hoping it stays that way. 

If wishes were horses!!!!

I think I’ve added a bit because not only one but two persons  have pointed out the fact that my face is getting chubby. And that isn’t a compliment 🤨.

Just a stale week generally!!

Hi blogger

It’s my Friday with you

My week has been..........ok I guess. The only twins I know that are my friends have been feeding me silly. I’ve had the house to my self for a couple of days now (and it feels sooooo good). Not that I don’t like my flat mate, but for once, I want to feel like “YES” this is my space.....you know what I mean? 

Anyway, I had fever, then cold, then runny stomach ( from eating roadside food) and back to cold again. It’s been raining non stop for a couple of days now, and my body ain’t finding it funny. But we getting by though. Been taking tea as if I am in 🇨🇦. ( maybe I am (looking outside) but just not getting the vibe of it) I went to church, service wasn’t bad, I just slept half of the time.

My knight in........that’s old fairy tale shit. This guy I like has been spoiling me bad, from accommodation to feeding to getting me something to pass time with, and just few days ago, A phone. I am greatful. It’s been rocky but we pushing through. 

Letting go without closure isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I try as much as possible to move on, but when I look at my boy and see how happy he is seeing other kids,I hope he gets to forgive me for not letting him know he has two elder sibling he can look up to. I hope his elder ones forgive me as well for not letting them take care of their baby brother. But then everything is not blue and black.........there is always the fifty shades of gray. If it was that easy, I would move mountain to make it happen. 

Dear blogger, why can’t everything be as it should? Why do people need to put other people down to feel good? Why is there a good and a bad, why don’t everything just be good?

I look at my kid/kids and I know for a fact they are not mistakes, but why it feel like I made a mistake somewhere is what I do not understand.  

I have many many unanswered questions. I have many unsheed tears, but each day I wake up to be strong for my child. I just hope am doing the right thing.

Till next time.

WRITING JUST HOW I TALk

😁😁😁

Each week, Friday specifically, I’ll put down how my week went. Since I can’t see a therapists, and I read somewhere that talking about what you go through helps a lot, ama bombard you with my activities weakly on here. And I hope it helps me decompress and feel much better going forward. 

JUST BECAUSE I NEED TO

☺️☺️☺️☺️

We must celebrate people who walked out of their marriages. 

Nobody walks out of a healthy marriage. And a healthy marriage isn't what you see from outside, it is what the people in it say it is. 

If a good woman walks out of a dysfunctional marriage, applaud her for not getting killed. 

If a bad woman walks out of a marriage, also applaud her for not killing her partner. 

Whichever way you look at it, there is something to celebrate.

           

                                                                    Victor Ibeh

I was forced to believe that It takes someone to tell me that my prayers has been answered by God. Literally!! 

Just so my relationship won’t be over, I had to do things that I don’t believe in, follow procedures I detested, and still laugh heartily with pain knowing within myself that all what I am forced to believe was bullshit ( please don’t mind the words can’t find another word to describe what I feel). 

I was a sad woman, but society makes it look like if you leave an uncomfortable relationship, you have failed. 

I was once shouted at (a 33year old woman) for not kneeling down while praying. I was criticized because I don’t show how prayerful i am.( I have to be very loud for everyone to hear me speak to my God). Then when I don’t do as is expected, I am made out to be possessed. 

Don’t get it twisted, marriage is sweet. But please marry your type. Do not marry someone you will change to suit you, trust me it won’t work, I’ve been there. 

I was with someone that spits 🔥 and brimstone when he prays and unfortunately, I am the docile prayer kind. I interact with the man upstairs, I talk to him as if he is seated with me. But my partner didn’t see that as praying. That caused a lot of issues. 

Long and short, “it didn’t work out“.

BEFORE FRIDAY GETS HERE

😃😃😃

There is this guy I follow on Facebook that inspires me. 

I’ll just quote him! 

Your peace of mind and sanity are not tied to the forgiveness of anybody that hurt you.  You can do just fine without forgiving those who have hurt you.

 Ask God. He has been doing so well, even without forgiving satan.

                                                               Victor Ibeh 

I have been hurt, but my ability to forgive is not because I need to forgive to be able to move on and have peace of mind, nooooooo . I just feel you ain’t worth me brooding over you. 

He also said 

Forgiveness is a choice. You are not under any obligation to forgive people that have caused you pains.

CAN I CALL IT DAY 2!!

 🤪🤪🤪🤪

Long time no post.

 I’ve hard a really really hard time with my device and the internet, so dear blog, forgive me. I’ve missed you though.

I promise to visit you again this Friday and every other Friday, because I have a lot to tell you. I am not a boring person I promise. And you’ll enjoying reading my write ups. I now have a stable device I can use to poke you 

(courtesy a very dear human) so I won’t let you down. Mgbe dvd a good I moimoi